Letting Go of Hero Mode
It was 2 AM in DC, and I was typing at lightning speed in a Quip document. I was trying to solve yet another "urgent" problem that only I could fix. I waited impatiently for my direct reports in London to log on so I could share an action plan. My shoulders were tight, my herbal tea long cold, and as I absently rested my hand on my growing baby bump – now six months along – a familiar thought crossed my mind: "If I don't do this, who will?"
Now if I were following a tried and true formula of leadership journeys, I would have been struck by inspiration right then! I would have seen the light, had a Damascus road experience, and understood that this behaviour wasn't dedication, it was a pattern of action called the hero trap that was leaving me burnt out, tired and losing my edge. That's not what happened though, because this is real life and we seldom have those moments. Instead, a slow but steady drain on my energy over multiple roles and leadership positions at two different companies, left me physically ill and emotionally dysregulated. I kept trying to do more, solve more problems, and be the solution provider for even more things. And then my body forced me to stop.
The hero complex in leadership is seductive. It feeds our ego, makes us feel irreplaceable, and gives us that addictive rush of being the person who saves the day. But here's the uncomfortable truth I've had to face - being everyone's hero isn't just unsustainable – it's actively harmful to both ourselves and our organizations.
The Hidden Cost of Heroics
When we operate in perpetual hero mode, we create several critical problems:
We become bottlenecks in our own organizations, slowing down progress and stifling growth We inadvertently communicate to our teams that we don't trust them to handle important challenges We burn ourselves out, compromising our health, relationships, and long-term effectiveness
The most painful lesson I've learned, is that my "always available" approach wasn't serving anyone. Not my team, not my organization, and certainly not myself or my growing family. It took months of physical weakness, a trip to the ER and a life changing diagnosis to shift me off this path fully - but that's a story for another time! For now, let's focus on how I have rejigged my worldview to help me stay out of the hero's trap.
The Systems Thinking Evolution
I've always prided myself on being a systems thinker. In leadership conversations, I was quick to talk about scale, automation, and building for the future. I could draw elaborate process maps and speak eloquently about organizational design. But here's the painful truth – I was performing systems thinking without truly living it.
The gap between knowing and embodying became glaringly obvious in how I handled our global team dynamics. On paper, I had designed beautiful systems for async communication and clear handoffs between time zones. In reality? I was sitting up at 2 AM, acting as a human bridge between DC and London, convinced that my real-time presence was crucial for success.
This is what I've come to recognize as "systems thinking theater" – where we create the frameworks but can't quite let them operate independently. We build the systems but don't trust them enough to step away. We talk about scalability while making ourselves indispensable to daily operations.
My transition from theoretical to embodied systems thinking came through necessity, not choice. Leading teams across multiple time zones had created a relentless pressure to be always-on. The math was brutal – when London was starting their day, DC was sleeping. When DC was hitting their stride, Singapore needed decisions. There was always someone, somewhere, who could use my input.
I had designed systems to handle this complexity, but I was still inserting myself into every critical moment. Why? Because somewhere along the way, I had confused availability with leadership. I had convinced myself that being present across all time zones was a sign of dedication rather than what it really was – a failure to let my systems do their job.
The Systems Thinking Revolution
Systems thinking isn't just a management buzzword – it's a fundamental shift in how we approach leadership and problem-solving. And while I was using a systems thinker mindset to approach problems, I was still being a 'hero' as a leader.
Instead of asking "How can I fix this?" I began asking: "How can we prevent this from happening again?" "What structures need to be in place for the team to handle this independently?" "Where am I the bottleneck, and how can I remove myself from the critical path?" "What's the right governance structure that will allow the team to make good decisions without me?"
The real breakthrough came when I started applying these questions not just to processes, but to myself. Each time I found myself online at odd hours, I asked: "What systemic gap am I compensating for here?" Usually, the answer wasn't about systems at all – it was about trust, control, and the uncomfortable space between knowing better and doing better.
Mapping Interventions Across Time Horizons
One of the most powerful frameworks I've developed is what I call "The Impact Timeline." It helps me categorize my actions into three horizons:
Horizon 1: Immediate Impact (Today)
Addressing urgent issues
Supporting team needs
Maintaining current operations
Horizon 2: Building Capability (This Quarter)
Developing team skills
Creating documentation and processes
Implementing feedback loops
Horizon 3: Systemic Change (This Year)
Building sustainable frameworks
Fostering leadership at all levels
Creating self-correcting systems
The key is understanding that time spent in Horizon 2 and 3 activities actually reduces the need for Horizon 1 firefighting. Nothing makes this clearer than preparing for maternity leave – it forces you to build systems that can thrive without your constant presence.
The Journey to Sustainable Leadership
Breaking free from the hero trap isn't easy. It requires humility, patience, and the courage to let go. Here are the steps that helped me transition:
Acknowledge the Pattern: Recognize when you're falling into hero mode. Track your interventions and look for recurring themes.
Build Trust Deliberately: Invest time in developing your team's capabilities. Trust them with increasingly important responsibilities, even if it means accepting short-term imperfection.
Create Clear Frameworks: Develop decision-making matrices and problem-solving frameworks that empower your team to act confidently without constant consultation.
Practice Strategic Absence: Deliberately step back from situations where you would normally jump in. Use these as opportunities for team growth.
The Ultimate Paradox
Perhaps the greatest irony I've discovered is this: true heroism in leadership isn't about being the hero – it's about creating more heroes. It's about building systems and cultures that empower others to rise to challenges, solve problems, and grow into their own leadership potential. The most profound impact doesn't come from being everyone's savior. It comes from creating environments where people can save themselves.
